You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

here goes a long list of random ideas:

somethings you just can't take back. it doesn't matter how sorry you are for doing it or how much you try to forget what it was you did in the first place, it never goes away. i'm starting to learn this lesson more and more as time goes by. and just when i think i'm gonna finally get myself together and start doin right, i sink once more into the cycle of destroying myself. "destruction is a form of creation" so maybe i'm creating a new me. if so i don't like who i'm creating.

people say that everything i say or do seems sad and i just don't know it. how can you be sad without knowing it? sometimes i wonder what people think when they see me. i don't want people to see a person just "going through the actions" and i don't want them to see someone who is sad. because i'm not. i just don't see how people can look at me and say that i look mean or upset all the damn time when i'm clearly not like that all the time.

i really don't understand how my phone can go days without an incoming call or text. when i look at my call log i see so many outgoing calls but only a few incoming calls. i'm starting to think that some people forgot that i am even alive. i guess the missed call doesn't show up or the text doesn't go through. but everytime i'm around those people and the phone rings or they get a text they seem to be able to answer those other people. it seems to me that somehow i need to get higher on someone's list of priorities, or maybe i should drop them from mine.

i don't understand my actions or my thoughts anymore. i don't want to be here but at the same time it's like i don't belong anywhere else. i really wish is had  a true friend, not one who calls me to get answers to homework or just because they missed my call. i want someone who will call me when they haven't heard from me in a while, just to see how i'm doin. i'm sick of being a good friend to those who don't even value our friendship. but i'm sure i'm a bad friend to someone else, if so, i'm sorry.

...But then one day I open my eyes and I find out I’m living in this world where nobody sees me and nobody hears me...

this has never been more true than at this moment

did u ever wake up and realize how alone you really are.

i'm sittin here wondering why everything and everyone is so far away. i wonder if i could have stopped this from happening and why i didnt. i feel so alone and so tired inside and i'm so sick of it. it's time for me to fade away from this life and start a new one filled with new places, new people, and a new me.